Kirk Haven

our story a note in his symphony

2012-02-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

http://www.etsy.com/listing/90665467/wild-and-precious-life

silly gooses tango, unedited.

2012-02-07T21:12:00.000-05:00

a valentine's day diy

2012-02-05T17:08:00.000-05:00

Nesting is in full swing. My poor little sewing machine has steam rolling off of it. Burp cloths are flying in all directions. Even made 'mini' ones for Belle.

When I saw this valentine banner made by the adorable, danielle, at Take Heart, I was in love. I told myself I didn't have time. Or energy. Forget about it.

I could not.

A flag banner, made from vintage pillow cases, with scripture on it....oh man, its so full of all of my favorite things, I had to dive in. And it just so happens that I have several pillowcases with recent holes that I've been saving for...something.

It took two evenings...maybe an hour each night.

You can check out Take Heart for her tutorial. I was too busy (read...too excited to get it done) to bother with taking pictures of the step by step.

But really...it was so easy.

Just create a template to trace your flags (I fold mine in half and draw half a flag, so its symmetrical).

Trace. Cut.

If you're not the sewing type, you can hot glue the flags inside the 1/2 inch double biased tape.

But I wanted something that would be sure to hold up through the years, so I decided to use a zigzag stitch to secure the flags inside the tape. I also cut out little hearts and stitched them on (with the machine) the flags between each word.

I had left over chip-board letters that I hot glued onto the flags (though there are NEVER enough vowels, so I had to 'create' some 'e's' from other letters. You can hardly tell, and I didn't have to spend any money).

Done.

What a beautiful way to ground this 'fluffy' holiday, to drape our space in His word which brings life and wisdom and truth. Because after the roses and chocolate, life gets hard. And sometimes loving each other deeply looks much less romantic than one might hope. But above all...above all love each other deeply. Even when it hurts and we're messy and forgetful and insensitive.

It also so happens to be a great way to help my children memorize scripture. We've been tackling a verse each month (I'd like to bump it up to one a week, but we haven't yet). Above all (point up at the banner hanging above), LOVE each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love covers over.

I am so thankful for the ultimate covering - Christ's love poured out and covering me, clothing me in His righteousness - so that I can be called a daughter of God. And it goes on and on. I can't tell you the people in my life that have covered over my offenses with the love and grace He has put in their hearts toward me. Love covers over, and in that covering, it heals, restores, infuses hope, makes us whole.

It helps us to become the self we all wish we could be.

And as you can see by Judah's little face, some days, we're going to need a whole lotta love to cover over the holes in our heart. Thank goodness his mama has such a lovely banner to remind her of such!

xoxo

ejk

on academia

2012-02-01T19:34:00.002-05:00

someone got called to the office today.

and we gushed.

and someone else is learning at a school of his own.

i was thoroughly amused to walk in the room and find school in session. there sat judah lined up with the other pupils reciting their months of the year. big sisters are intense teachers, let me tell you.

ejk

In Full

2012-02-01T16:10:00.012-05:00

if you hadn't already stolen my heart 13 years ago, you would have had it anew tonight.

our journey is not what we planned it to be, but I am finding our DreamGiver is writing it beautiful just the same. we consecrated our united lives to Christ that August day, two dreamer souls alive with the glory of love. we didn't know that in that moment we were laying our dreams on the alter, and that before our very eyes we would see our God light them afire. we watched them burn, and it felt like death of the heart. there were moments we sat dazed and deflated and unable to comprehend this righteous blaze. knowing his heart for us was love and goodness, yet experiencing such pain.

his fire, it consumed,

but only what was perishable, waste, impure.

our dreams remained, and now we stare at them,

fire quenched and satisfied,

and they stand sparkling pure, never destroyed,

only refined.

tonight, our DreamGiver came near, in the simplest of ways, to assure us again that he is ever present. ever seeing, ever in control. ever giving. ever loving. if he has stripped, it has been for our good and his glory. if he has wounded, it has been for our whole healing.

belle had an idea: she desperately wanted a fancy dinner. she begged to paint her nails deep purple and decorate herself beautiful in ruffles and sparkles. i have never seen her so utterly beside herself when you made over her all gussied up, though her self-applied make up was honestly hilarious. you put on a suit and tie and asked her to dance. judah wore a tie and cowboy boots, and I threw on a dress over yoga pants and unkept hair.

we danced to Rosemary Clooney, and Belle swooned. you hold her heart, and I am so thankful she is learning her value from you. you awaken in her heart a sacred femininity that leaves me speechless as I watch it gush and ooze from her tiny self. you draped a towel over your arm, put on your best stuffy accent, and served the kids their spinach salads and cucumbers, assuring them the main course was soon to come. tortellini and chicken never tasted so inviting, and you suggested we have fancy italian night every tuesday. i love how you enjoy our children.

we spent the rest of our evening watching home videos. we giggled at how skinny you looked, at how pregnant I stay, at how much 2 year old Belle looked just like her brother. I forgot how curly her hair was, how cute her little voice. and you swooned at your little girl, teared at how grown she now seems. you spoke of how excited this made you to meet your next daughter....until we watched the birth videos and you breathed heavy with anxiety over the pain that was coming for me.

somehow, in the midst of the evening, we both understood. understood his timing and caught a glimpse of his plan and precision in his care of our world. i've been waiting for this moment. knowing it to be true, but needing to see it for myself.

our belle awoke this morning, and while still tucked cozy in her flannel monkey sheets, breathed a delighted sigh. "I just can't stop thinking about that amazing fancy dinner. and we even got to watch 3 whole movies!"

i am learning dreams come true happen one subtle moment at a time. and the beauty and the pain somehow weave together to create the thread that knits our hearts together forever. and above and beyond it all, our DreamGiver works it all together for our good and his glory.

one day, we will see in full. and we will understand the whole.

breathless at his beauty, we will join a host of the redeemed and declare,

that he really is better than we could have ever dreamed.

and he is ours and we are his, forever.

ejk

*ideas in this post inspired after husband re-read Dream Giver for couples this week (we read it a little over 4 years ago), and reminded me of the ideas presented in the book. if anything in the post resonated with your heart, I would recommend reading the book for yourself!

preparing

2012-01-31T10:54:00.002-05:00

this feels like it fits 'our girl'.

her daddy dreams of her in yellow.

and with a spring arrival, that sweet little peach birdie seems the perfect touch.

it may just require a splurge!

a little judah-man sunshine for your monday

2012-01-30T00:33:00.004-05:00

I overhear the most entertaining conversations each morning.

Most mornings, Judah is the first to wake, and he rolls over and "Sissy...Wake UP! Siiiisssssy! I need to go potty! Let's play! I'm hungry and tirsty.".

And my sweet girl, she'll get her brother up and undressed, take him to the potty, and then assist him with re-donning his super hero drawers. Often she'll go ahead and peel him a clementine or grab them both a banana and head back to their bedroom to play. She takes incredible care of him, and he adores her for it. This is the calm before the storm. No diapers. Self sufficient. Yes, I'm enjoying it while it lasts! Judah will even assist himself to the big potty, though at times still insists that I come with him. This morning he danced around the kitchen, "OOOooooh. Oooooh. I gotta go bad!" I told him to go ahead and go on to the potty...that he could do it. But he pleaded. "No! I need you to come wif me. I might fall in and go away, and den I won't be wif you."
Ok. Break my heart. Yes, mommy will help you to the potty anytime you need me to.

Anyway...back to the conversations. While most mornings they've been getting themselves up and fed and playing without ever coming to get me, occasionally they linger face to face on their pillows chatting. One morning this week I overheard Judah plead, "But I don't want you to go to school, Sissy. No. You stay home wif me. I want you to stay wif me." She tried to explain..."Awwww. I know you do, Bubs. But I've got to go to school today. You can stay here with mama, and I'll be home in a little bit." He's come to grips with her new independence quite well. However, if she or Aron leave in the morning without first giving him a hug, a kiss, an "I love you!", AND a wave all the way down the sidewalk along with a stated "Byyyyyyeee!" (without missing any of the listed elements), we have a major teary meltdown that is nearly impossible to soothe. Once they've had their five part goodbye, he's at peace with them going, and on we go with our morning.

This morning I overheard Belle gently explaining while they were still in bed, "No, Judah. You can't have chocolate for breakfast. Or candy. I'm sorry." Judah pleaded, "YES! I want chocolate! And candy! Pleeease?"

He continued to insist after they rose and joined me in the living room. I, however, gave him the same answer as Sissy. Bummer. However, I do find it quite adorable that anytime he IS allowed a piece of chocolate or a treat of any sort, he always asks for 'one more for sissy', and runs as fast as he can to deliver an equal portion to Belle.

Such a silly man!

He prayed over our lunch today, "De-ah God, Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for Mommy & Daddy. Thank you for Sissy. And Samuel. And E-saiah. AAAAmen!"

And last night, he was struggling at bedtime (the dolls in their room really terrify him), so I layed down with him for a few minutes to reassure him. I have never ever met a kid who so strongly exhibits physical touch as a love language. He loves to place his hands on both sides of your cheeks and just rub...over and over and over, until his arms are too tired and they fall from exhaustion or he falls asleep first. I think he discovered at Christmastime when he had some time with Grandma that he also really likes his face rubbed too. Last night, with my face cupped in his ever rubbing hands, he instructed, "Mommy. Rub me! Right here on my face." And so this is how he drifted off to sleep, double rubbing. Aron and I joke all the time (though we are somewhat serious), his poor future wife...she'd better be a 'toucher'!

But for now, I'll enjoy all the cuddles and kisses and cheek to cheek time this amazingly sweet little man, so full of music and wild, has to offer. I'll be jealous for them one day when he's grown and no longer expresses his love to me in this way.

When God Says "No."

2012-01-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

One of the signs of a Christian life is inner peace and contentment. To be honest, this is something I have struggled with my entire Christian life. At it's core, this is an issue of doubt and mistrust towards our heavenly Father. We doubt that he cares. We doubt that he is mindful of our situation. We doubt his love. We doubt his kindness.

As followers of Jesus, we hope that he will do great things in our lives, and if when do not see these things come to pass as we thought, we at least hope that there is a greater purpose in it all. After time, we begin to doubt that there's even a greater purpose - "What the heck is God up to? Do you even see my life, God? What are you doing? Can you hear me?"

If you don't struggle chronically with this (like I do), you WILL at some point in your Christian life.

This morning I watched this sermon by Bob Russell called "When God Says 'No.'" and I have never been more encouraged to trust the heart of my heavenly Father. I have never been more sure that he IS aware of what is going on in my life, that he IS good, and that, in the end, there is a MUCH greater purpose being worked out in my life to the glory of God. I would highly recommend that every believer watch this sermon!

It's easy to believe, trust, hope, love and be content when life circumstances are good and you get everything you've hoped for. But I want to be full of joy and peace and love in any and every circumstance in my life, even and especially when God says "no."
APK

on repeat

2012-01-16T17:12:00.000-05:00

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Mark 9:24

Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.

Matthew 21:21

winter's wait

2012-01-11T15:34:00.001-05:00

I'm painting January with the book of John, trying not to fight the nature of the season, but rather to allow my spirit the room to walk through the chill and the barren without the implied despair she brings. January has always felt tasky to me: Christmas mess, returns, purging, taxes, resolutions...and the realization that winter is upon us and the glistening magic decided to marry December & forgo the rest of the season. But this year, I'm doing my best to align myself with the rhythm of the seasons. To embrace the forced quieting winter brings, allowing myself to prepare, to rest, to recharge in preparation for life to burst forth as the spring solstice approaches.

I've found my spirit hungrier than ever for substance, for more of God than I can possibly handle. And so I am asking him for just that. For his daily presence so near, for a fresh understanding of the beauty of his Son, and to know Him like I never have. My sister bought me this wonderful book:

And I am finding it completely delicious as I encounter, perhaps for the first time, the 3d picture of the personality of Jesus. I am asking him that as I study through John's accounts, that he helps me to know him as he is, as he wants to be known. And that he shows himself not just through scripture, but in my everyday life. I think we make a lot of assumptions about who Christ is and how he works based upon our interpretation of life, and without realizing it, these presuppositions begin to taint and distort not only our picture of Jesus, but our walk with him.

The other night I was laying in bed nearly in tears as for a brief, sweet moment, I could clearly see the big picture beauty of just how amazingly good God really is. (Moments like these remind me of watching a breathtaking sunset. You try as hard as you can to soak it in, to make it last, memorizing every glowing hue, because soon the light of the moment fades and darkness creeps in until you can no longer see at all. You find that you have to trust the memory of the sunset and the promise of another one coming in due time to walk through the dark places, until you once again behold the glory that paints your world heavenly.) The next thoughts ushered in unspoken questions of when the proverbial 'other shoe would fall', awaking me to announce there really is no 'happily ever after'. When the 'but' statement would rush in and steal the beauty of his unending love. Gently, God whispered to my spirit, that there is no other shoe through Christ. He really is fairy-tale good. And the richness of this inheritance that I did nothing to deserve only ripens with time like a good wine.

So I am breathing in of His spirit (which according to John 3:34 he gives without limit), and it warms and satisfies, even and especially in winter's wait.

ejk

charmed

2012-01-10T16:02:00.000-05:00

husband sought you out, you charm of old, wrapped you up and put you under the tree.

beautifully aged, you wrap my neck in whimsy love, given as you were with utmost intention. in utter surprise I beheld you as you whispered to me, "beloved. known." you hold my world within and carry it close to my heart.

ever thankful for a good gift and the man who gave it,
ejk

crash landing

2012-01-05T21:39:00.005-05:00

Jan 5th, 7:30 pm

Jan 5th, 7:31 pm

I giggle to myself as my mind's eye replays Judah's crash landing, falling hard asleep, so deeply as soon as face planted on rug, that my attempts to brush his teeth did not so much as stir him. I carried him limp to bed, when only a minute before he was sitting up eating his bedtime snack. Both the granola in his bowl (from Grandma's cupboards) and the hand-me down dino jammies (from cousin's drawers), tell of a week of highs, of filling of heart, with the ones that mean so much.

I think we all, the four of us, crashed in this way the last two days, slamming back into responsibility and demands, coming down from the high of 10 straight days of togetherness (and an unholy amount of sugar). Its always harder than I anticipate to reacquaint my heart to the distance, to the weeks stretched into months of time apart (even harder to watch the kids try to do the same...navigating questions like, "Mom, why did God make Grandma live so far away?"). The transition back is a bit of an emotional crash landing. Our poor family, I think they must weary of the togetherness when we are visiting (and understandably so...its a lot of time in the same space when your bucket is already full), but we know of the drought that awaits us, so we soak them in like a sponge, letting their waters saturate to the deepest pores to last. And truly, we drove North on 75 this past Tuesday with full hearts, smiling and joyful as we talked about our favorite moments of the week.

The crash landing is inevitable when you soar at such great heights of the heart. Oh, but our Father, his faithfulness and goodness is always surprising me. A phone call tonight from a sister, not in flesh but in spirit, offering to spend an evening with the young Kirklings so Aron & I could have a night out, felt a gift of encouragement straight from his generous hand.

Our Christmas tree is still glowing, though the needles fall faster than my vacuum can handle. But our bags are unpacked, mostly. Tomorrow I will put on my nurse hat for the first time in nearly two weeks, praying all the way to work for skillful hands and an attentive mind, and pleading for the same for the nurses and doctors preparing my dad for his procedure two states away. Saturday we will initiate a circus waffle maker to our pancake loving ways and close up Christmas to make room for order in this tiny little home. At least in my ever planning mind, this is how life should unfold.

Of course one never knows, but I am okay with that. Because I trust the one who does.
crash-landing, but cradled even so,
ejk

Its Christmas: 2011

2011-12-24T20:03:00.002-05:00

2011-12-22T15:26:00.000-05:00

"For to come to know Jesus intimately, as he is, as he wants to be known, is to release a redemptive landslide in your life."
-John Eldredge in Beautiful Outlaw

12.21.11

2011-12-21T16:22:00.002-05:00

Oh what fun the last few weeks have been!

Belle and I made cookies for her class Christmas party today. I have had a blast volunteering in her classroom twice this week (once to paint their Christmas party shirts and again today for the party)!

Ever the nurturer, Belle grabbed an extra cookie to save for Judah...in case her classmates ate them all up and left none to bring home for him!

We made gingerbread ornaments, macaroni wreaths, gift bags, snowflake ornaments, and reindeer food!

When I walked in the classroom, several of her classmates exclaimed, "Its Belle's mom!" This is new to me...to be known by my child's name, but I liked the sound of it ringing off their excited little voices.

and because I simply cannot emasculate my son any longer, bookended as he is by his lovely lady siblings, I am trying to neutralize their bedroom a little at a time. I've posted enough pictures of him dreaming in pink...I had to even the score a little.

He is ever the boy, pink sheets or blue. But for the sake of his tiny man ego which may very well one day resent me for allowing the pink to go on so long...I post a shot of penance.

ejk

2011-12-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

"Christ became what we are, so that we might become what he is."
-Athanasius in On the Incarnation

snapshots 12.10.11

2011-12-10T23:08:00.001-05:00

judah, aka: rudolph

because every saturday night needs a little family game time

mom & dad: the first and second losers

judah: the 'jump around the board and confuse the gumdrops out of us' player

belle: victorious!

judah: aka: a monkey

time to squeeze the gumdrops out of him!

no good reason

2011-12-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

there is no good reason for this video. just a whole lot of muscle flexing by judah, silly singing by belle, and a little glimpse into their sweet selves. thursdays can be long with daddy gone all day (usually for the 2nd or 3rd evening in a given week...so things can get a little wacky trying to keep ourselves entertained).

if we don't scare you away, hope you enjoy!
Untitled from Aron Kirk on Vimeo.

decking the halls

2011-11-30T14:59:00.001-05:00

quietly, unspoken dread filled my heart when I thought about decorating this year.

another year, another tree in our tiny rented condo.

i thought if I had to decorate against a backdrop so not me one more time, I might implode from creative frustration.

but the time had come, and I knew we needed to...for the kids.

and wouldn't you know...

it was the 'fun-est' year ever decking our halls.

ugly mirror and all.

we were completely unprepared for how ecstatic the kids would be...the whole time

the kids went diving into bins pulling out tinsel and ornaments...aron and I could have sat back and let them do all the work!

But then there were several, several broken bulbs!

and rather than hang ornaments from the tree, judah insisted on hanging ornaments from other ornaments.

"I hold on TIGHT" he said (after flipping over the ladder into the tree). mercy.

We were so excited to pull out everyone's stocking...

but then...Belle found an extra stocking at the bottom of a bin, pulling it out exclaiming, "Is this the baby's stocking?!"

Aron and I jumped to our feet, excited and laughing and in disbelief. I have been looking for several weeks for the perfect stocking for baby girl, to no avail. I had completely forgotten that I purchased this one on clearance last year...for one day. After looking it over, we all agreed this was the PERFECT stocking for our baby girl...so now 5 socks dangle from our hearth (oh so unattractive as it is). aron is ready to choose a name so I can get to work embroidering! I can't take that kind of pressure, though! Once I stitch that name, we're not going back. So I'm doing my best to persuade my husband that I will have plenty of time this winter or next to etch her name in our traditions.

We tried to get a picture with all 3 of our babies...which was completely and entirely impossible with as crazy hyper as they were:

i give up!

how about i tickle you instead?!

we filled out hearts with the best of the christmas song and remembering and laughter and shimmering smiles by glowing tree

and pumpkin cookies...lots of pumpkin cookies.

do you see that empty plate in the center of our table?

there were layers of the moist delicacy for our decorating snacking pleasure.

every last one...gone! (i think the fresh pureed pumpkin took them to a whole notha level of sinfulness)

sorry, Santa, maybe next year!

ejk

sleep in heavenly peace

2011-11-29T16:07:00.000-05:00

With all the space of a big bed, sweet Belle finds herself crowded no matter where she positions herself...

It's a good thing she tolerates (and secretly enjoys) her bubby's snugglely ways. Cause he can't get close enough when its time to sleep.

The kids have been sleeping with the el cheapo stuffed pig & unicorn they won at the county fair lately...according to Belle "because every time I look at my unicorn it reminds me of the fair, and I feel happy!"

Sweet fingers embracing enchanted memories.

Speaking of sentiment and fingers embracing sweet memories...

I keep seeing this photo of 2 day old Judah and finding myself unable to grasp its about to happen again.

The welcoming committee is growing ever more excited too! They did such a good job with baby Judah, and now he will be joining them in ushering in the joy of another life!

Infact, this morning, Judah was cuddling with my belly, gently stroking it and rubbing his face on it, when I asked him what he thought we should call baby sister?

To my surprise he answered "Baby_______"...

A name Aron and I have had on hearts for a girl middle name since before we knew a little lady was growing inside. But we have been careful not to speak much of names around the kids until we know for sure what she will be called.

Perhaps it was a God inspired moment

(heaven knows we struggle with indecision in the naming department).

We shall soon see...

ejk

days like these

2011-11-20T22:04:00.010-05:00

days like these nourish the soul.

togetherness.

quality time is my love language through and through.

so if you speak in moments and presence and life lived out together, no matter how simply,

you awaken a language native to my heart.

the most beautiful songs of worship i think I have ever heard,

in subtle christmas flavor,

have been working themselves out in husband's heart,

flowing up and around and canopying our moments.

he revisits them tonight, and i wish i could bottle them up and share them with you.

do you see it?

its the moment. and i want to share it with you too, because i love you so.
(assuming you're one of the dear friends/family that keep up with us here...but if I don't know you personally, I'm pretty sure if I had the chance to know you I'd love you too, special as we each are to Him).

we savored a humble meal, sloppy joe's - a homemade recipe - and diced garlic potatoes.

but we enjoyed it like the best strip steak you've ever tasted. you should have heard husband's growns,

"Hun! This is amazing. Write this one down. This has got to be the recipe you use from now on!"

after second servings and "I could eat this all night!",
aron spotted brown sugar and butter laid conspicuously on the counter.

"Babe, are you making cookies?!"

I answered, "Yep! Oatmeal chocolate chip."

"Can we rent a movie?" his most favorite relaxation activity.

"Sure!"

"This is the BEST day. AND Thanksgiving is THIS week! (insert very masculine, manly squeals of excitement)"

little helpers paraded in the kitchen, bringing aprons and dragons and germ filled fingers digging in delicious dough (it seems our bodies would know a holiday is coming, and hence it is now time for the four of us to come down with a cold...and we have been so healthy now for weeks! hopefully with a good night's rest and our super vitamins, it will be short lived!)

belle's horse little voice excitedly repeats ingredients, and she cannot help but lick every measuring spoon she touches, despite my pleas to keep her germies to herself!

judah skips the spoons and goes straight for the bowl, wedging himself behind and around his sister for the best seat in the house.

12 minutes later

cookies - still warm and gooey - and ice cold milk

join Polar Express to make a moment in the hearts of my little ones.

blessings and good gifts poured out and overflowing.

i hope years from now when they're far from my arms,

curled up with a warm cookie and glass of milk,

a familiar song will play in their hearts:

mommy's love and daddy's art echoing in moments and memories

too numerous to replay in one sitting but all flooding back in a bite.

ejk

and for my daddy:

you would be so proud of judah-man, helping aron to grill burgers the other night, representing our bucks in full gear!

11.17.11

2011-11-17T14:39:00.001-05:00

When big sisters have a day off school, you never know what kind of fun the morning will bring.

Her imagination is way cooler than mom's.

Who wouldn't want to spend the day riding their sweet horse, Sapella?

(wild man insists on putting his own undies on now...often inside out)

Steady now, Sapella, and I will feed you a carrot.

I think the kids finished off half a bag of baby carrots along with 2 whole apples playing horse...and all their idea too! I may be using this trick next time we're having some resistance eating our fresh veggies!

More carrots - these are the lunch portion they divvied up.

Neeeeeigh!

Judah couldn't decide if he was a cowboy or a horse

Who miraculously turned into cheetah cubs.

oh what fun!

ejk

story

2011-11-15T23:52:00.003-05:00

I felt my own lungs collapse and my heart sink heavy when I saw my little boy, back to me all hunched over and struggling. I scooped him up and seconds later had him upside down, beating his back hard, "Are you okay? Can you breathe?" I turned him right side up, and his panic and silence and color told me my fears were confirmed. Something was lodged in his windpipe, and I had no idea what. Back upside down, beating and praying, and beating. I couldn't see his face and I wanted to so badly. So I turned him back up and checked again. Nothing. No air, no sounds, no breathing. Just pure fear on sweet baby face. I thought about our neighbor, a paramedic, should I run to his house? No, no time for that. And they had just moved, yesterday. No time to call Aron, no time for the ER. I prayed prayers with no words, only groans and pleads and Jesus help me. I turned him over and beat, and beat so hard my heart broke because I knew I was hurting him. My mind raced a thousand thoughts, but the only one I can remember is "Is my baby going to die in my arms right now? Are these my last moments with him alive? NO! Please, God! NO! Save him!" He gagged and let out a half-cry, and I thought maybe it dislodged, so I turned him up to check. But he still couldn't breathe. Again, over he went, upside down, and after an eternity of my own heart standing still, he started to gag and cough. He must have swallowed the object, because it never came out. He was coughing up blood, and the wave of relief quickly crashed into panic as i wondered what in the world he could have swallowed and did he sever arteries or veins, and was my baby now going to bleed to death from the inside as the object made its way down his esophagus?

We wept, and he told me over and over again, "Scared! I choked. Scared. Scared. I choked" He rubbed his face all over mine and the more I cried, the more he cried, so i tried to hold back the tears and shaking so he could settle down. We knelt in the corner at the toy basket where he was playing; I needed to know what he had just swallowed to figure out if we needed to go straight to the ER. Two small, half eaten gobstoppers lay there. I asked him if this is what he was eating...did he find candy and eat it? He nodded yes. I remember the Gobstoppers from Halloween night. The kids had opened them when going through their stash, but Aron took them away & threw them in the garbage...perfect size as they are to lodge in tiny tracheas. The kids must have dropped a few out of the box into the toy basket before daddy stole them away.

Not fifteen minutes later we welcomed into our home new friends from a far away land, Africa, a world apart. A tumor that is unrelenting, taking over the face of our sweet friend, has brought her here, away from her children, away from her husband. She seeks healing, but after 8 months of time in the states, the treatments aren't working; not quickly enough. She has nothing here: no family, no distractions, no money, only hope. And her sister, a Sister of the catholic church, to help care for her. When she was stronger, she used to walk to our church to pray. Aron found her there in the dark one afternoon. Alone, asking God to heal her. He knelt and joined her in prayer, and in doing so, a bond of trust was formed. She calls him now, almost every day, never talking more than a few minutes - Aron's Ebu is terrible, and her English isn't all that great - but I think just hearing a loving voice brings comfort.

I know some special ladies with great big hearts, full of God-Love, and when they heard the story of our friend, they jumped on the opportunity to help supply her with resources to meet some of her physical needs. I stuffed their love and sacrifice into a card today, and I could barely hold back the tears as I thought of the reality that these women were giving food and clothing and a drink of water to Jesus in their gift to this woman who is surely the least of these.

Not long after dinner and a short visit, Aron drove our friends to their temporary housing, and I prepared the kids for bed. Now they sleep, and I tell you, I just came from their bed...I had to pull myself away. I hovered over them both, one at time, back and forth between them, breathing in their God-breath, his life filling their lungs. And I prayed that one day his life would fill their hearts. I remember when both were just born. I would put my nose and my mouth right up to theirs, and I would breathe in as they exhaled, hoping to catch a scent of the divine, his gift of life so fresh in their lungs. And I'd swear I could smell heaven...and tonight, I think I caught a whiff of it once again.

A child yet to breathe her first grows within, her presence now undeniable to the eye. And an equally precious child lays her head on pillow, begging for God to see her plight and heal her disease. This life doesn't make sense so often. And it bleeds beauty and tragedy and triumph and defeat. And each of us, a tree in the story about the forest (as Donald Miller says), lives one more day to grow and stretch root and bear fruit and wave gloriously in the wind of his presence, weaving in and out among us. Until the day when heaven breaks open and we see in full the story unfolding from breathtaking beginning to glorious never-ending. Our Story Writer wiping every tear, making all things new and beautiful, in his perfect time.

i don't understand our fragile lives, but I do know this:
our pain will be worth the wait of his final resolution.
and i can hardly wait to see Him face to face.

until then, thanking Him for one more night with my children and husband,
ejk

2011-11-15T15:40:00.001-05:00

mornings with judah

2011-11-10T09:12:00.006-05:00

a little boy sleeping in BIG boy undies, waking up after 12 hours DRY, makes a mommy very happy.

(our last potty training hurdle...reprogramming judah into believing he CAN go potty with clothing on. the boy has to strip stark naked: no shoes, no socks, no shirt...na-ked, to be able to go. this is very time consuming when we're not at home!)

what? its thursday? i go see my friends!

happy day!

silly man

did I mention instead of "mom" he's been calling me "Darling"?

cherishing this time, undivided and focused, with judah.

before we get to share our love with one more!

ejk

You're Invited!

2011-11-09T14:57:00.000-05:00

A week ago

2011-11-04T23:20:00.004-04:00

a week ago, I sat down after an exhausting shift and needed to write. it was long past a safe hour to be writing (some days I look back at what I've written and make myself promise to never publish a blog after a certain hour when good judgement, discreteness, and proper grammar are tucked safe in bed). so I saved a draft and decided this was just for me.

but after returning home a week later, and experiencing all the deeper last friday's emotions, I decided to pull up the unpublished post. perhaps God knew I'd need these words today. and how God-like, that though I didn't know it when I wrote this post, Aron was assigned this topic of care to preach on this weekend. his sacred echos are everywhere, when we still ourselves.
**********************************************************************************
10-28-11
i worked today, and most shifts i find myself diving head-long into such broken lives and broken hearts, i come home heavy in the chest. my week is insulated and cozy, busy raising right two children, feeding my husband his meat and potatoes, and if he's lucky, bread to boot. but fridays are real, and they are raw, cutting me to the heart. i think God wants it that way.

the Lord has been flooding our lives with the hurting and sick: sick of heart and sick of body and sick with sin and self and pain. and the demands on our finite resources can feel overwhelming, so we give what we have, do our best to point them toward the Healer. offer prayers in faith and a beating heart that hurts alongside theirs, struggling as it is to just keep pumping life. some days we wake to find we are the hurting, sick of heart and sick of self. and in these moments we are finding his grace sufficient, his love enough for one more day. and his children, alongside of us offering love and forgiveness and truth - are life-giving like the leaves that paint bright the fall-gray sky.

not long ago, my husband reminded me that Jesus thrice asked Peter to feed his sheep, to care for his flock. jesus himself equated our care of the hurting and hungry, imprisoned and sick with our treatment of God. and so this calling on each us of to care for one another, it is serious and sacred, and I must say of so many of you, that you do it so well. my family and i have known first hand your cups of water, mercy to parched hearts, your feeding and clothing and pouring out of self for our sake. Jesus knew of the wolves that would come and that life's storms would threaten to rip us one from another, tear us to pieces at times if it weren't for each other. and so we were created for this - me for you and you for me, us for Him. a beautiful web of communion and intimacy, made stronger by our vulnerability. we share with one another our hurts and our needs, trusting our name and our concerns are safe on another's lips. and as we do, a culture of authenticity rises. where real people with real problems confess and confide - and love each other anyway.

abiding trust ties hearts one to another as we mutually expose what lies inside (though oft a painfully difficult process), and authenticity becomes the dialect of the land. true intimacy soon follows, its partakers finally experiencing a taste of community in its intended glory.

i can't speak for you, but as best as I can interpret my own heart, I was made for this: for intimacy with my Maker and intimacy with his creation. the path toward such beautiful relationship with God and with man is paved with shortcomings and confessions, honesty and affirmations, selflessness and grace, forgiveness and acceptance, and over all: love. In my own fragility, I fear I am not capable of this, but praise be that:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. (2 Peter 1:3).

and so it is with his power that i will wake tomorrow and offer my heart to him - and to you, flawed as it is. and for just one more day, i will walk by faith when the road ahead is dimly lit and unyielding. i will drink of mercy, of forgiveness, of grace to try again. and i will offer you the same. for he who has been forgiven much, loves much.
humbled to journey with you,
ejk

Its a...

2011-11-03T23:21:00.002-04:00

Trick or Treat 2011 - Come along with us?

2011-11-01T10:37:00.000-04:00

Mmmm...we started the morning off with pumpkin pancakes (they were delicious...I just added 1/3 cup of pureed pumpkin, 1/2 teas cinnamon, sprinkle of nutmeg to my normal pancake recipe...oh, and added one less tbsp of oil than normal).

belle had to scarf hers down so we could get her dressed for her halloween party/parade at school!

meanwhile, judah picked out his toys to take to miss alyssa's house to play while mommy helped at sis's party! kissing the orca & shark (this IS the same Orca my husband was singing about if you stuck around for the bonus ending of the above video!)

Kindergarten Halloween Party!

The costume parade

Ariel and her friendly shark

What a lovely ariel she was!

Sweetest little shark you've ever met!

Flexing his shark muscles...accompanied by Ariel

Oh so fierce!

"Here, Judah, I'll hold your fin!"

"I think NOT!"

"How about I eat you instead?!"

Shark attack!

"TRICK or TREAT!!!" they both exclaimed!

"MOMMA! Look at ALL my candy!"

fuzzy family pic...thank you broken auto focus.

Its a good thing we live with a muscle man, because that little shark weighs more than he appears. Ten minutes of toting him around, and my arms were jelly!

A "BOO"tiful time!

Pumpkin Carving 2011

2011-10-30T17:59:00.002-04:00

pumpkin baby

pumpkin head

Movie time!

Phil & Mistey

Katy Baby

judah began to wonder what that odd smell was (he is SO sensitive to smells lately).

"STINKY!" judah said!

Belle was a pumpkin carving champ.

for remembering

2011-10-27T22:24:00.009-04:00

Bedtime prayers just keep getting more...interesting, and we frequently find ourselves silently shaking with laughter, trying to not to give away just how amused we are.

Belle:
"Dear God,
Thank you for this pony, thank you for llamas."
Judah (interjecting):
"Thank you for breakfast!"
Belle:
"Thank you for beds. Thank you for my SPLEEN!" (and she was so enthusiastic about her gratitude for her SPLEEN!)

Speaking of breakfast,
Wednesday morning, Judah stumbled into our room announcing, "I'm HUN-gry!"
Scooping him up I asked what he'd like for breakfast.
Without hesitating he answered his standard request, "Saus-shage". After explaining that we were all out of sausage, I asked what else he would like.
"Cake!" And wouldn't you know, we were fresh out of cake too. He went on to request chips, hamburger, cookie, and brownie for breakfast. Mind you, none of the above (with the exception of sausage) is ever served for breakfast. He had to settle for plain old homemade oats, but you can't blame a boy for trying!

And earlier today I said to Belle,
"Grandma Jackie says you did such a good job keeping our secret about our baby."
"Well," she responded, "It is my duty, afterall. What else could I do?!"

It is rarely dull around here; its a good thing we like it that way!
ejk

2011-10-27T16:59:00.002-04:00

catching up - a moment at a time

2011-10-27T16:12:00.000-04:00

she wanted a date with daddy for her birthday,

found her fanciest dress, all ruffles and glistening peach.

he hopes they will have a date each year for her birthday,

long after she dresses in white and wears ruffles for another.

as the old saying goes

2011-10-27T15:39:00.002-04:00

sitting on the couch after a nap, judah announces, "shoo-EEEE!" as he waves his hand in front of his nose.

"STINKY!" he says.

when he discovered it was his feet that were the source of the odor!

indeed the smeller is the feller!
ejk

bedtime prayers

2011-10-19T20:42:00.003-04:00

Aron, Belle, and I giggled our way through bedtime prayers tonight, as Judah prayed, in his sweet sing-songy voice:

Dear God,

Thank you for today.

Thank you for chocolate milk, thank you for white milk, thank you for daddy's white milk.

And for brownie, and for cookie. And daddy's head.

Thank you for my body.

AMEN!

Pretty sure God might even had giggled along with us. How great a God we serve who takes notice of our childlike hearts and finds delight in us.

ejk

Judah's Big Day

2011-10-12T16:07:00.003-04:00

Our Judah is growing so BIG! Today he grabbed his hygenist's hand and walked back to have his teeth cleaned all by himself. I couldn't help but peek through the window to try to catch at glance at my little boy in that BIG chair!

They felt sorry for me trying to take pictures through a tiny window in the door and invited me to come back for a moment!

What a brave boy!

He was super excited to pick out a BUZZ Lightyear toothbrush.

And could NOT wait to show all of his goodies off to 'sis'. We left the dentist office, which is right next to daddy's office, and took lunch to daddy; Judah proudly showed him his sparkly teeth and Buzz brush. When we picked Belle up from school, she barely opened the car door and Judah exclaimed, "I GO TO DENTIST, sis!" Belle smothered him with hugs and kisses telling him how proud of him she was. It was a happy mommy moment:)

Enjoying these little moments in BIG ways!

ejk

This one's for the Grandparents

2011-10-11T21:33:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to show you some of Belle's blossoming work:

(the last sentence reads, "I like to paint."

"Today I feel HapEeE." A portrait of Isabelle (complete with glasses, a flower in her hair, and an umbrella) and mommy.

And, we discovered tonight that she's been nesting in her space with some extra large leaves she collected on a walk tonight. We were quite impressed!

Hope you enjoyed,

ejk

Rodeo: redone

2011-10-04T11:33:00.000-04:00

on milking cows and county fairs

2011-09-29T20:11:00.008-04:00

first the county fair...so you might understand the milking cows.

We decided to stay an extra day in Brown County following Grandma's funeral to get to re-experience a tradition near and dear to our hearts - the county fair.

Most people are surprised to hear all the schools in the county dismiss school for the entire week of the fair...not because of the rides or the amazing pork tenderloin sandwiches, but because of the high number of students that participate in 4-H events that require them to be at the fairgrounds throughout the day all week.

Aron has always loved the demolition derby, which we stayed late enough to enjoy. But truly, the tractor pulls hold a special place in my heart (mainly because it was during one noisy, screeching pull in 1999 that Aron first told me that he loved me...I had to ask him to repeat it because I couldn't hear him over the massive, over-sized jet engines mounted on the mega-tractors. you can swoon or laugh hysterically now...which-ever).

But truly, when you're not confessing your undying love for someone, we all know the real romance of the fair is the food.

We were surprised to learn that Judah would completely agree. Late Monday night after we'd returned back to Papaw & Mammaw's house, we were attempting to wind the kids down for their midnight bedtime. As I changed Judah into his pumpkin pj's, I asked him, "What was your favorite part of the fair tonight?"

Without hesitating he answered, "FRIES!" I probed further inquiring what else he enjoyed. "SAM-WHICH!" he squealed, referring to the most delicious pork tenderloin one has ever tasted. The pork producers of Brown County outdo themselves year after year.

We hung around the grandstands and watched the parade.

And the kids rode real rides for the first time ever.

We toured through the animal barns, meeting up with family members as the night went on. It was so wonderful to see every one.

Aron risked a sour stomach to have the opportunity to 'love' on eli on the sizzler. I still can't believe our oldest nephew is as big as Aron now. Aye, me.

The kids fell quickly in love with the "Little State Fair".

And subsequently, have been playing various farm games since we got home. Tonight, Aron and I received tickets to visit the barn. As it turns out, I was quickly cast as a milk cow and Aron a hen by the "Farming Cowgirl".

As I moo'd, Belle 'milked' and explained to Aron, "You have to be really gentle when you milk; otherwise, you'll pull the milkers right off." Nicely put, my little one. I must admit, she had excellent technique. (*check out her little pail of milk and the barn cat meowing on my back).

Aron had too much dignity to allow me to capture him 'laying eggs', but you can imagine;)

And below, Belle scattered chicken feed for the hens.

I am so behind in posting life. Check out facebook for more pictures if you'd like to see more.

moo!

ejk

It is well

2011-09-19T09:08:00.004-04:00

Monday, it rains, as if to live up to its reputation.

And my soul, it pays no attention.

Already my heart has pioneered through mountain and valley, and its only 9 am.

Beauty and grace flood as I consider the significance of this day. Five years ago a gift unexpected was placed into our arms, not yet five pounds, fragile and delicate, but each perfect, heaven-kissed breath smelled of mercy and sang of love.

And that same lacey child just danced out the door, galoshes splashing in cadence with the falling rain. Anticipation served for her as an umbrella - arms full of birthday treats to share with stranger-friends. And she leaves in her wake a rainbow of smiling hearts, all colored with gentleness and imaginative delight.

Earlier, when the house was still quiet and all but me were still cozy in their dreams, my thoughts turned to Grandma and how it must feel to know there stands but hours and numbered breaths between this bittersweet life and all His promises fulfilled. Our hearts moan and grieve what death steals in the here and now, but if we could only wrap our minds around the inheritance awaiting as she passes from life to LIFE, never truly tasting death's bitter cup because of the cup Jesus accepted in Gethsemane's wrestling.

Even in our own wrestling, in our Jesus and our Jacob moments, we are not condemned for our humanity, or worse, annihilated as we justly deserve. I think Jesus' garden struggle proves that he understands how hard it is for us to submit to the ultimate good when our eyes can only see the pain before us. The grace he gives as we work out our salvation is nothing short of stunning. A picture of a God that loves from everlasting to everlasting, stretching out his kindness before us from horizon to horizon (have you ever tried to capture the whole horizon in your view? try it...you'll grow dizzy trying, but I promise it can't be done. And so you will never be able to fully capture the entire spectrum of His kindness, faithfulness, and love for you. Its beyond us, encircles us.).

Because of this, and in all these ponderings, even before coffee and cream, I can say, it is well with my soul.

(if you have the time, grab a cup of something warm, close your eyes, and allow yourself a few moments to soak this in).

ejk

dreams of Russia

2011-09-18T08:50:00.006-04:00

I spent the length and the breadth of my sleeping hours wrapped in thoughts of this family.

Meet Phillip & Kara, Adalynn & baby Gwen.

They chased Jesus to Vladimir, Russia, where they are planting a church and making disciples in an almost entirely unreached city.

Kara and I met just before 7:50 am one brisk Tuesday morning, 18 years young and bleary eyed, in our very first ever college class at Indiana Wesleyan - Mrs. Porter's English Composition. Phil was a sophmore in leadership in Aron's freshmen only dorm that same year. I don't really remember when exactly Phil and Kara became an item, but it was clear to everyone they loved each other deeply. And now, 9 years later, half way across the world, Aron and I are honored to support them as they live out the call on their lives.

Last October Phil and Kara were raising support in a nearby church, and we were so excited to be able to spend the afternoon with them, reconnecting and reminiscing. They told us of the sadness and hopelessness common to the people of Russia, long smothered and suppressed by harsh government and virtually unreached with the hope of Christ.

And so in a foreign city on the other side of the world, where hearts and ground are frozen alike, this precious young family has abandoned all comfort and worldly wisdom to live in a high rise apartment and go about the awkward task of learning a culture not their own. Not because its fun or adventurous; infact it seems to be quite the opposite: uncomfortable, counterintuitive, lonely. But they have counted the cost and found it worth the sacrifice. What an inspiration to me! You can follow their journey here on their blog:

And join us in praying for them in both their personal adjustment to their new city and their mission of hope and faith. Their task is enormous, but I know the Lord is with them.

ejk

write to breathe

2011-09-17T20:43:00.005-04:00

i've been all choked up of heart,

and who really wants to share their heart

exposing it naked when you can't make sense of yourself.

so i've avoided this place like a violent stomach virus,

for fear of spewing my innards on the floor before you,

the stench and mess infecting you too.

so i've hurled and i heaved in the only healthy way i know,

prayer and pleading, confession and bleeding.

my God, i know that He can handle the mess of hurt i lay down.

and a few precious sisters of the soul, have shared to lighten the load.

but tonight, the hot tears falling,

i feel i must write to breathe.

four years of life on our own,

and the pain of missing the moments,

it pierces and it stings every time.

we sit quietly tonight. alone, a world apart.

and our family, they gather together, and they connect and they eat,

celebrating life as every loving family should.

they linger over laughter and soak in the children

taking in together the moments that make up a lifetime.

i've cried these tears four years of quiet evenings,

watching from afar the milestones and the mundane,

(mundane only to those who have known the beauty of togetherness so long they are numb to the gift)

technology can be a blessing and a curse.

who can know the pain of exile? that's how my husband explains it.

and i scold myself a thousand times, each person's cross to carry worth the weight.

who can know the pain of a husband passing?

or a child missing? or hunger piercing? or health depleting?

wars wage and pain suffocates; who am I to be melancholy?

selfish me with my cupboards full and my body strong

my children sleeping safe, my husband loving faithfully and true.

but tonight, the hot tears falling,

i feel i must write to breathe.

i walked a road of death this week,

never before knowing the ways of self-loathing.

selfish, wretched mess of a woman. hopeless.

that's what the enemy whispered.

and for the first time, i agreed,

believing it so deeply, I wanted to tatoo it to my skin.

but jesus sent my husband to pray words of life over me,

and its a good thing, because Eden falling is a scary place to live.

satan, he deceives, and even now, that fruit entices.

"Can I really trust your heart toward me is Good?"

my God pursing and my Adam gently loving,

i dared to breathe in of hope.

But hope is a scary thing;

deferred it makes the heart sick, that's what proverbs says.

and waiting seems to be all I've ever known.

so I stand staring into the black night,

not knowing when or how the light will appear.

but I know the one who led me here is Good.

and though the enemy surrounds, insisting that He has abandoned,

left me for dead, never returning,

i clench my eyes and scream into the piercing darkness,

"I HAVE A FATHER! He promised to never leave me! He promised to work all things together for the good of those that love him. And I do love him, frail as I am. He has a son who is called Faithful and True. He promised to be with me always, until the very end of the age. If he saw fit to lead me into this dark, he will come for me, and he will lead me through it!"

with eyes still clenched, and in broken whisper I finish,

"And I...I. trust. Him."

when your dreams have been stripped away

and your hope lies limp and dead,

it is terrifying to trust the one who is the architect of the plan

that has brought so much pain.

i imagine Jesus felt this way when he hung from the cross that should be mine:

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt 27:46)

but when we find ourselves in this place,

let us resound with Hosea:

“Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds." (6:1).

i trust that if he injures, if he strips, if he isolates, if he burns,

it is for my refining, my undivided heart, my growth, my good.

so tonight, in pain I don't understand, hot tears falling,

i feel I must write to breathe:

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

ejk

Tawas Triathalon 2011

2011-09-11T16:19:00.010-04:00

Five weeks is not much time to train for a triathalon.

I thought you were crazy, out of your mind, you might drown insane when you told me.

But you set your mind to it, and you finished.

Looking out across those waters the night before the race, a sickness settled in my stomach. Such an ambitious goal, such open waters for novice swimmer with the determination of a bull shark.

The kids were simply happy to be on the beach, sand between their fingers and toes, on such a gorgeous Huron evening.

And Judah, more like you every day, marched right in freezing water, over his head, clothes soaking right through.

He watches your every move; this brings me great excitement, for I know none more honest, none more intentional, none more valiant for him to model.

These moments, these accomplishments, these demonstrations of your perseverance and strength, they will remember for a lifetime.

Your delight in them,

Your tenderness toward them,

Your attentiveness to them, even while running a race they know nothing about.

Belle loves this picture; she giggles at your goofy smile.

And I love this one; your face speaks of focus and determination. But I remember the way your fingers wiggled with nerves and adrenaline.

The speaker boomed, "10 seconds...5 seconds..." and my heart raced for you.

And moments later, you raced for you.

Running into the mountain you feared you couldn't climb.

You raced for strength, for discipline, for the lessons God wanted to teach.

And you emerged victorious; simply because you looked fear of failure in the eyes, and swam anyway.

You make us proud to be called by your name.

In your orange and your perfect smile and sun stained skin, you are your father's son.

"Go, Daddy! Good job, Daddy!" Belle and Judah shouted from behind the airy fence. Their squeaky encouragements made you smile, and you turned to wave at them.

On the way to the run, your strongest of suites,

you stopped for high fives from your favorites.

Which is exactly why you will always be their favorite.

High fives of the heart and you were off.

You paced so fast, the kids and I nearly missed your big finish. We were crossing the street from the beach when I saw you coming. "Run, Belle, Run!" I shouted over my shoulder, and Judah on hip, bags on shoulders, we sprinted just ahead of you. Judah thought it was the ride of his life, all giggles and "Woah! Woah! Woah!".

I planted my feet just behind the finish line, dropped kid and bag alike, jerking out camera, lens cap flying. I barely flipped the camera on, and 'SNAP' I caught you just beyond your goal.

We were 'Over the Moon' for you!

Thank you for offering us your strength. For living beyond yourself. For teaching us about life and obedience and perseverance in pain. We love you!

ejk

Bedtime Stories

2011-09-09T11:15:00.002-04:00

It started out as a nice quiet bedtime story continuing our journey through Exodus.

But it erupted in song, and set bedtime back an hour.

Not exactly a perfect strategy for quieting the children and lulling them to sleep.

We have much to learn!

ejk

Engraved With Scars

2011-08-31T18:00:00.002-04:00

“This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time,” declares the LORD. “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." - Jeremiah 31:33

Do you long for God to fulfill

this word in your life?

Be careful how you answer,

it may depend on how he writes.

The other day, while lamenting my old soul, my spiritual fingers caressed the scars on my heart, and I grieved the hardships of this life:

How do we "consider it pure joy"?

Where is joy in such pain?

The treasure in darkness is not plain.

Each trial had cut me deeply, an inscription on my tablet.

Written forever by the cutting and removal.

Not pleasant, hard work.

And when you're in the trial, all you can see is what has been taken.

All you can feel are the grooves and crevice of loss.

But long after,

When stepping back to observe the totality of the mosaic,

Epiphany resounds like a symphony of light:

These scars bear familiar resemblance -

The handwriting of God.

As a sculptor carves the stone, and a vintner prunes the vine,

So our scars bear the seal and sign of the Divine.

I will not soon forget:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

In quietness and trust is your strength"

Engraved with scars,

This Word on my heart.

As a sculptor carves the stone, and a vintner prunes the vine,

So our scars bear the seal and sign of the Divine.

"He who did not spare his own Son,

But gave him up for us all."

This Word written on his hands,

Now engraved in his side.

These scars consider it joy,

So pure joy can be mine.

As a sculptor carves the stone, and a vintner prunes the vine,

So our scars bear the seal and sign of the Divine.

APK

He's TWO: day 1

2011-08-28T20:01:00.002-04:00

Heaven help us.

"Where was his mother?" one might ask.

"In the bedroom, cleaning up a mess he had just made," she would answer.

He's a beautiful, wild, crazy mess.

ejk

Happy Birthday, Lion Cub!

2011-08-26T23:12:00.002-04:00

*click to enlarge (once enlarged, you should be able to click on the image again to further enlarge it...sorry, unable to format the photo larger on blogger)

when daddy trains for a tri

2011-08-08T15:28:00.003-04:00

Someone watches very closely.

He grabs his boots to hit the trail, but must resign to watch from afar.

Until...now!

He BEAMS with pride and testosterone when daddy gives him a chance on the ole pull up bar.

And then, he never wants to get off.

Ever. Aron and I switch back and forth as our arms tire out.

"UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN!" he commands, as he simulates daddy's chin ups!

Meanwhile...this one, sick as can be, tries to sleep off an unrelenting fever, but keeps waking her self up unable to breathe. Poor thing sounds like a freight train. She isn't too congested, so I'm wondering if its not her tonsils/adenoids making all that ruckus (they are pretty swollen)?!

Life in a nutshell for us this week,

ejk

Come To Me video demo

2011-08-05T09:55:00.002-04:00

Blazing August

2011-08-03T23:09:00.006-04:00

we love august 'round here.

half our little family's birthdays fall in this month,

as it shimmers with the final flying sparks of summer's glory.

(look at lion cub's smile...he's been flashing that grin so often lately - especially when he's into ornryness!)

and if two birthday's weren't enough,

there's a love story to celebrate to boot.
august: chalked full of moments of the divine coming near,

smiling on his children, giving gifts so abundant, his fingerprint is unmistakable.

we thank you, our God, for every passing moment,

the overflow of your presence so tangible

and worth more than any treasure or fame.

You are our Very Great Reward,

the delight of our collective heart.

Blaze on, August!

you lead us through life and love,

into autumn's bounty.

ejk

(mis)parenting 101

2011-08-02T08:44:00.004-04:00

rule # 63: allow your child that first sip of soda. it only takes one. so that every time you crack one open to enjoy the bubbly, fizzy wonder, your children will swarm at your feet - bouncing, begging, pleading - until you can no longer enjoy yourself. and in desperation you give in, defeated and guilty.

ejk

peter pan's lost boy

2011-07-27T12:43:00.004-04:00

wish i could send this lion cub to Neverland; if only i could keep him this way forever.

2 years old is just a breath and a few sleeps away.

ejk

apple of my eye

2011-07-27T11:35:00.004-04:00

ejk

Come To Me

2011-07-22T10:10:00.002-04:00

God inspired me to write a few songs recently to remind his people of some timeless truths: He made us, he loves us, he wants us to come to him with our every care and concern, and not worry about anything! I hope these encourage you this morning!

COME TO ME

"Come to me, all you weak,
All you weary and broken hearts
Cast your cares on the One
Who spoke the skies and breathed the stars

For I am good
And loving towards all I have made
I made you,
I love you,
I want you
To come to me"

DON'T WORRY
"The years pass so fast
But the days pass so slow
Each day has enough
Trouble of its own

So just take it one step at a time
You know that I'll be there by your side

So don't worry,
Don't worry about a thing
I'll be there for you
Forever and always
Remember,
My love is enough
And I have everything you need
So don't worry

Be still, and know who I am
And I have a plan for you
But don't miss the gift of today
It's making my mercies new

I hold the world in my hands
I know the plans I have for you
I see the sparrow fly
Every tear you cry
Oh, how I love you so..."

If you want to hear the songs in all their glory, come to Lapeer Assembly of God on Friday, July 29 @ 8pm when I open for JAMIE GRACE!

APK

on praying faces and morning graces

2011-07-20T10:27:00.003-04:00

If only I looked this angelic when sleeping...

or this lovely upon waking...

I find it amusing that belle gets out of bed with hair that looks like its been brushed and styled and lays just so...but check out that yellow fuzz ball in the lower left corner of the picture. That would be Lion Cub's wild mane of untamed golden fluff.

Its sure to be a good day waking up to these little blessings.

ejk

2011-07-18T22:48:00.003-04:00

Because a little boy in spidey pj's riding his beloved bike

As the sun yawns and slips slowly into tomorrow

Is almost more goodness than this heart can handle...

I'll share the love with you,

ejk

On Michi Living

2011-07-18T15:12:00.006-04:00

There are days I think my heart will burst from home-longing, family-pining, familiar-calling.

But even so, there is beauty to be inhaled, life to be fully lived, here. Where we are.

Today is a gift, remember, self?

Sundays spent beach side with friends so dear, this is Michi-living.

And it is a gift.

Because today is a gift

2011-07-12T15:37:00.002-04:00

Go ahead. Celebrate it. Go all out. Throw a little extravagant love, a touch of the extraordinary right smack dab in the middle of your 'ordinary' day.

It doesn't have to be expensive, or even labor intensive. Fresh squeezed lemon-limeaide is a simple enough beverage. But you should have seen the delight on the faces of my family as they sipped their cares away, tastebuds dancing with the heat waves on this 90 degree day. I usually pass on fresh lemons at the grocery - just too pricey and more work for me. But these keylimes, marked down for quick sale to a mere buck and a half, begged to make our day.

Even Judah could hardly stand to wait until supper to partake. Summer, all sliced up and squeezed out in sour-sweet, sunshiny splendor.

One can't help but smile. I bet your smiling right now; maybe even salivating. If you're off to make a glass of your own...be sure to use crushed ice. A necessary secret ingredient for the best lemonade the summer offers.

Embracing the gift of today,

ejk

We are alive over here

2011-07-11T14:47:00.008-04:00

I know you may find that fact hard to believe, as our digital footprint may suggest otherwise. But we are indeed alive. And well. Very well, in fact. The summer has simply ushered in more life than we have hours in the day, and so documenting it has just had to fall by the wayside for a while. Some days it feels like surfing a wild, exhilarating wave - sun soaked, salty skin alive for the ride. Other days we do well just to keep our heads above the water - the weight of unending responsibilities, unrelenting emotion, undying dreams, and unceasing whining (can I get an amen?!) threatening to pull us under. But this story is a familiar one. You could completely resonate, could you not?

This is life - the tension between mindblowing beauty and heartstopping despair, earthshaking freedom and shackling captivity. We strain forward toward the former, though at times beaten down by the latter. The One who is the Radiance of God's glory calls us to him, and he walks alongside us as we press into him, press on toward the goal. And as we learn to quiet ourselves, to hear his voice, He works even our unyielding circumstances, our frustrating relationships, our painful memories to set us free from imprisonment of self. Free to be a glory giver, free to be fully alive. And through the struggle (to use a line from one of Aron's songs) he sustains us with pleasures from His hand, empowers us with his very presence, showers us with blessing upon blessing. And in his leading and laying down by still water and in verdant pasture, satisfaction joins hands with peace and settles down among us.

Since moving away from our families we have chosen to spend our vacation time each year reconnecting with them. We had the great privilege to spend a chunk of time with those nearest and dearest last week. We prayed to the Lord that he would be near, that His presence would usher in moments of love and quality time, of connection and community. A big ole' lump rises in my throat as I consider all the ways He answered this prayer of our hearts. Enjoy.

ejk

Can I share something really cool with you?

2011-06-16T19:01:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago our Pastor, Andy, spoke about the familiar Bible story of the little boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes.

Jesus and the disciples found themselves depleted and famished after non-stop ministry, and ever the Good Shepherd, Jesus invited his friends to come away with him by themselves to a quiet place where they could rest. Together they boarded a boat, destination relaxation within sight. But the crowd was famished for another taste of the divine; they pressed in, ran ahead, beating Jesus and his disciples to the shore where they would dock.

Our God, oh He is full of compassion, and our Jesus, the embodiment of the fullness of God, saw the crowd, these sherpherdless sheep of a chosen people, and begin teaching. Hanging on the words and the ways of this healer-man from Nazareth, the crowds pressed in until the sun hung low in the sky. The disciples suggested Jesus send the crowd away; hours in heat and no nourishment cause even the strongest to grow faint. Jesus told them (I LOVE this part), "You give them something to eat." One estimated it would take half a year's wages to buy enough bread for all to have a share. "How many loaves do you have?" Jesus asked them. Or as Andy paraphrased, "What's in your hand?"

The disciples stood before a seemingly impossible need with no where near the resources to touch the hunger of the thousands in the crowd. Often you and I stand before a world of brokenness, and the sheer volume of need can become utterly paralyzing. Millions of orphans, billions starving, 7000 contracting HIV today, the lonely, the sick, the forgotten, the imprisoned. Where. Do. I. begin?

One really cannot know the way God will bless our humble contribution offered in love.

Shortly after this sermon, Aron submitted a video he had made telling the story of our church's Seed Planter Street Ministry into a contest on Do Something World. He came home that night telling me that he didn't expect to win. Shot with a humble little Flip camera, produced on the barest of video editing equipment, his 5 loaves and two fishes didn't stand a chance against the professional quality videos he'd seen already submitted.

But God took notice of a man named Guy Alexander and his warrior ways in the gang ridden streets of Mount Clemens. And God, in his miracle making ways, saw fit to allocate the first prize award of $5000.00 to the Seed Planter's Street Ministry. Do you know how many Bibles will be distributed, how many bellies will be fed with these baskets full and overflowing?

Jesus took the measly lunch of a small boy and fed a multitude.

And he took a humble video of a small ministry serving the ex-cons and the gang bangers of a broken city and is providing a way to feed, both physically and spiritually, a people so very hungry for the Bread of Life.

To Our Great God Be the Glory!

As we each look to the needs in our families, communities, and sphere's of influence, I suppose the question begs to be answered, "What's in your hand?" and "What are you going to do with it?"

Only God knows what He could do with your humble little lunch.

ejk

6.8.11

2011-06-09T21:59:00.002-04:00

Our water baby.

Judah hasn't quite warmed up to the pool yet this year.

Aron taking Judah in against his wishes. And I quote, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

ejk

when little brother meets destiny

2011-06-09T21:45:00.002-04:00

watch out innocent bystanders. he cannot be held accountable for his superhuman strength.

ejk

a tropical escape

2011-06-08T15:42:00.005-04:00

I am ever looking for calorie dense, nutrient rich, kid friendly deliciousness that my children will eat without me having to jump through fiery hoops in order to coax the food into their mouths.

I know I'm not the only mother to babies that eat like birds.

So here's a recipe I'll share with you. One suited for our 96 degree sweltering heat!

Frozen Fruit Bar - Pina Colada

Puree:

2 banana's (very ripe)

1 can (5 oz) of pineapple in its own juice

Coconut milk (10 oz)

1 teaspoon vanilla

(shhh...i did add a tablespoon of sugar...did I mention I don't like jumping through fiery hoops?)

Pour into popsicle molds, freeze, and

enjoy!

They turned out quite yummy, and my littles are eating them up...sans the circus tricks.

Tonight I'm going to try a mango, banana, pinapple mix. I'll let you know how they turn out!

Beat the heat, people...and enjoy it while you do so!

ejk

Wild About You

2011-06-08T11:07:00.015-04:00

We spent a few HOT but lovely hours Memorial Day at the zoo. Monday was just about as hot as they come up here in Michiland.

The animals looked how we felt.

Nevertheless, we got to see and do all kinds of cool things...like feel real camel hair as we watched the camel's graze. I do not know how John the Baptist wore those kind of garments in the desert heat.

Judah and his 'MUM' watching the gorillas...

Monkey see,

monkey do.

Judah wanted to pet the peacock; papaw kept a watchful eye.

Belle and daddy scoping out the baboons.

Judah playing with the meerkats

Perhaps the most refreshing ice cream we've ever tasted!

Walking through the outback adventure to see the Kangaroos.

Aron & Judah in their matching chucks.

Stealing kisses in the butterfly house...

Thanks to Dad & Mom Kirk for a wonderful weekend of moments together!

ejk

6.5.11

2011-06-06T11:36:00.002-04:00

belle, child of God. she's the little one:)

*The close observer might note that Aron is leading worship with a rather large guitar. Yes, you are seeing it correctly; he is leading with a bass guitar. No bass musicians were available to play this week, so what's a worship leader to do?! Proud of my man of hidden talents!

"this is the best day of my life!"

2011-06-05T18:01:00.007-04:00

And all it took was a few water balloons and some time with 'mum' (as Judah calls his Grandma Jackie) and 'poppy' (as Aunt Kara would say of her daddy).

ejk

How does your garden grow?

2011-05-24T18:22:00.005-04:00

Belle attentively listened as Aron and I brainstormed our best and most economical ways to keep the critters out of our little garden. She came to us on Sunday and told us she needed "a big stick, hay...but we don't have hay, so yarn will do, tape, marker, glue, and a brown paper bag. And that is all." And she set to work creating the scare crow she had dreamed up in her brain.

"The bunnies will hop up and see the scary face. They will be SOOOO afraid that they will run away and leave our vegetables alone!" she explained.

She has been the biggest helper with this garden. She wants to do it all. And when we've done all there is to do...well she finds a way to prolong the fun. Sunday night we found her doing this:

With a shovel (that is every bit as big and heavy as her tiny frame), she dug little holes and planted flowers (blossoms picked from a tree). Aron and I walked around the yard and found planted flowers scattered everywhere! She was hard at work!

It must be the "Gardner" in her!

Forgive me for the bad pun,

ejk

A sweet way to spend a Saturday morning

2011-05-21T12:00:00.005-04:00

Saturday greeted us with the loveliest of outward graces. Sunshine and 70's, the promise of a simply gorgeous day. While Aron hopped from Tennessee to Georgia to Michigan (all in a few hours...this still blows my mind), the kids and I decided to visit our very favorite one stop donut & farm stand orchard shop.

Oh it was a wonderful first visit of the year. There's not much by way of fruit or veggies in season yet, but the donuts are always freshly made. And lets be honest...that's what we REALLY come for anyway, right?!

Extra to take home for Sunday morning breakfast...YUM!

Judah sampled one of each; I think its a way of marking his territory.

And Belle did a little dance for us; silly girl!

And look at the view across the street...the orchard in full bloom! Someone help me out on this one...I believe those are peach trees; am I right? Which has got me anticipating the absolutely fabulous homemade peach donuts this little stand makes each day with peaches right out of their orchard. A delightful reward after a hard week's work!

I just love little one of a kind specialty shops. And we're especially sweet on this one! You'll have to join us one Saturday morning!

ejk

3:46 am

2011-05-20T14:19:00.006-04:00

A soft, sweet voice chatted happily in the living area. It awoke me from the foggy sleep I had drifted into. I made my way out of our bedroom to see this:

Its 3:46 am. Do you know where your Lion Cub is? Apparently mine had opened his toy closet, grabbed a toy car & a tub of play dough, carried it out into the hallway (where the light was on), and was playing happily all by himself...in a dark, silent house.

He had to have crawled over his sister, but Rose sleeps like she's under Maleficent's pricked finger spell. Dead to the world. In all the commotion of him playing and putting him back to bed, she never even stirred. Infact, if Judah ever wakes up and works himself into a full on cry, no matter how long we let him go, she will have no interruption of her comatose sleep.

Here she is fresh as a daisy this morning, reading a book upon rising. That's my girl!

So the moral of the story is that this little adventurous cowboy failed his trial run at the big boy bed, and at least for a few more months, will stay (trapped) safely in his crib. No more middle of the night one-man-parties for you, Judah Man!

a bit sleepy today,

ejk

5.19.11

2011-05-20T00:07:00.006-04:00

Our main squeeze, our five o'clock happy hour, our prickly snuggles, our lights out, and our sleep safe and sound has arrived safely in NashVegas (as he fondly calls it) for his songwriting conference.

Lucky him. Poor us. (I know its only a few nights, toughen up, right?! We're really a-ok. But having Aron away for a few days sure does make me so look up to all of you out there that either send your husbands away for weeks or months on end or who are parenting all by yourselves. You are truly amazing, and God sees. And he is with you. Always.)

I woke the kids extra early so they could have breakfast with daddy before he left for the airport. I explained to Judah, "Let's have some breakfast with daddy; he's going to fly on an airplane today." No sooner than the words left my mouth, Judah practically leaped out of my arms and stammered off in his crazy bumble-run to find Aron. I followed and caught up with him just as he was tugging on Aron's shorts, "I go airpane. Peeeease. Peeease. I go airpane!"

Later in the day, long after Aron had gone, I found Judah attempting to put on Aron's deodorant. He looked up at Belle and me and said, "I daddy. I daddy." I suppose when the alpha male leaves, the younger pups instinctively know they're supposed to step up.

Except my young alpha-male-would-be decided come nightfall that perhaps sissy's bed would be the best place to rest his head. He's never crawled up in bed and layed with her before without getting up. Perhaps he wanted her comfort tonight?

I just hope I don't get a middle of the night visitor, peeking eyes staring just over the matress to totally wig me out while I'm manning the fort alone.

Well, that's what's a goin' on,

ejk

speaking of art

2011-05-18T09:16:00.006-04:00

Here are a few pieces I'm all gushing and googly-eyed for.

Each night at bedtime, Judah looks up from his crib and says, "Sing? Sun!" Of course, asking me to sing "You are My Sunshine" to him as he sweetly sings along.

(katie daisy)

You may have to enlarge this one to see the beauty of the sweet details. I just love the reminder, that no matter who we encounter (even those that frustrate or even...annoy us...) each one is a magnificent creation fashioned by a magnificent Creator, and should valued and treated as such. I have visions of hanging this in a someday playroom, or wouldn't it be cool if you walked into your child's classroom and saw this hanging on the wall! It a society that worships physical beauty and bestows intrinsic value based on how an individual nears 'perfection', what a refreshing proclamation that we all are magnificent creatures!

(katie daisy)

Birch coasters, laser engraved, by a husband/wife design duo from Indiana.

(uncommon)

What's catching your eye lately?

ejk

Sweet Peas

2011-05-17T13:48:00.005-04:00

So incredibly thankful that my sweet peas would have it no other way than to be in the same pod.

Notice how blurry the photo is? They both lay sleeping, right arms positioned identically above their heads, and I found it so adorable, it seemed worth the risk to snap a picture. I turned the flash off, but still the noise of the aperture closing startled them both. In perfect unison they together turned from their matching sleeping pose to their left side, as if synchronized swimming...or synchronized sleeping? My one shot caught them directly at the startle as they started the immediate turn; I bolted for the door. And I am happy to report, they are still sleeping!

Off to my tasks...

ejk

embrace the mess

2011-05-16T17:33:00.003-04:00

creativity is not efficient; it frustrates the perfectionist.

but it shimmers and shines with the radiance of the intangible.

it beckons in aches and urges,

haunts in inspiration and compulsion

to make something

beautiful.

it awakens our senses to a world unseen

but more real than we can even understand, as we are, wrapped in flesh.

an ear pressed hard against it can make out the sound of eternity,

and a beating heart aligns, if only momentarily, to the cadence of the universe pulsing.

its value can't be measured in cents and minutes,

nor in messes made or moments lost.

there is more to the art, more to the artist,

than the canvas on which he creates.

his work emanates with the brilliance of a creator God

all wrapped in light and fire and unapproachable brilliance.

your art, simple and imperfect as it is,

joins all created world,

to display the glory of a God unimaginable.

we are his handiwork, and we are made in his own image.

created to relate, created to create.

so whatever it is you do

write, paint, bake, play, decorate, sing, sew, carve, imagine, sculpt, garden

embrace the interruption, the inefficiency of art

and tell His story.

its written in the stars and carved on your heart.

you are evidence

of the divine.

create on.

ejk

when it rains

2011-05-15T14:31:00.007-04:00

Strumming a melody that lifts my eyes from discouragement and despair,

Husband has carved out a beautiful proclamation from Phillipians.

And as he sings,

"For I have learned to be content

In every circumstance.

I have learned to trust your Word.

I'll put into practice all I have heard."

I find myself soaking in the contentment of this moment.

He has moved on to another song,

Each one comes in its own way.

Sometimes in waves, and as inspiration rushes in,

Truth resonates in the soul and escapes in meter and melody.

And I know it is the Spirit whispering in his ear.

The rain falls, and it shows no signs of relenting.

But today, we worship. Today, we sabbath.

Today, we find life, joy, and hope

Even in the downpour.

I can't explain it, other than the miracle of Christ indwelling.

He ushers in peace, whispers love, fulfills promises.

He is the good shepherd, and he leads us beside still waters.

My thirsty soul is drinking deep.

ejk

Bicycle, Bicycle, Bicycle (ding, ding)

2011-05-09T10:23:00.003-04:00

ejk

On horseplay, Tiger play, and puppy dogs

2011-05-04T22:30:00.008-04:00

*BEFORE you partake*

1. Be sure to pause "I love you by and by" video (a few posts below). Otherwise, its going to sound a little chaotic with two videos playing at once. I can't figure out how to stop the videos from playing automatically...sorry!

2. I do dress my children. Unfortunately, they undress themselves...several times a day, and I usually find them playing half clothed between costumes.

3. Let me set up the final scene, lest any of you watch in horror and disbelief at our table manners. The four of us sat eating quite normally around the dinner table, when Judah, with a twinkle in his eye, grabs his toast, tosses it on the floor, and scurries down. It took us a minute to figure out what was going on, but we quickly realized Judah wanted to play puppy dog. And of course, puppy dogs eat their dinner off the floor. Listen for his cute puppy squeaks and panting.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest...enjoy!

when words just can't paint the beauty the heart longs to tell

2011-04-25T17:11:00.013-04:00

*to catch a better view, click on the picture to enlarge

This world, fallen and expectant - awaiting redemption's final word, oh how it can squeeze, coiling around as it suffocates the life right from us. At least our joy and at most our passion, our will, our purpose - our communion with our God. This weekend we quieted ourselves to consider the greatest tragedy the universe has ever known; pondered with broken hearts and bowed heads a God sacrificed for our betrayal. A torn body, a torn veil - God and man in communion again. Oh, but at what great cost! We moved from sorrow to disbelief and on to utter gratitude as the reality of Sunday's empty tomb fills our lives with the fullness of the promises of a resurrected Saviour, a resurrected heart. A life laid down, crucified with Christ, and a life risen and bursting LIFE with the fullness of the Godhead living within. This the miracle of our Easter.

This the hope of my tiny children, my precious niece. With a world of evil and pain awaiting them, yet an eternity of glory expecting them. This my sacred calling; to help them understand. Even in simple ways, as much as a 4 year old can understand. I pray for the words. I pray for the authenticity. I pray they will understand - one day, and today the same.

But for now, I capture my little piece of Eden - life as it should be, if only in a few frames. The glory of the sun, telling a larger story of the glory of the true Son, who will one day very soon be our very light.

ejk

*Check out the full album on facebook to see the rest of the adorable shots of the littles. All 90 something of them. I tried to whittle the album down, but I just couldn't muster the strength to delete many of them!

Death in his grave

2011-04-22T21:38:00.004-04:00

John Mark says what I could only hope to.

And in such a visceral way.

Enjoy.

It is a devastatingly good Friday, indeed.

May his sacrifice wreck you anew, and his gift wash over you afresh. Breathe it in. We were dead men, now alive, infused with the lifeblood of our King. Guilty men, now pardoned, and adopted - sons and daughters of the Most High. Clothed in His righteousness, called by His name.

Undeserving of a King like Jesus,

ejk

I love you by and by

2011-04-17T21:32:00.001-04:00

ejk

Tonight

2011-04-13T23:54:00.003-04:00

"Perspective can always adopt gratitude — and gratitude always parents joy."

Ann Voskamp, Holy Experience

Tonight, my heart is moved from frustration and despair to gratitude and joy. Perspective leads me there.

A safe home, a warm bed, food enough for tomorrow and the week ahead. This a Happily Ever After for most of the world. The children in Africa that walk miles each night to sleep in a lighted city street to avoid village abductions. Swept away and sold into slaves of lustful men, slaves of power hungry regimes. Babies, I tell you. How can I complain?

A husband sitting at our table, writing a song of worship tonight. A day worked, for us, for Him. A strong man who challenges me to lose what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose. Who chooses a life of purpose, of calling over a life of success, of possessions. Who loosens a little girl's braids and strokes her hair, whispering sweet nothings that tell of her beauty and her worth. A man who prepares a picnic dinner to usher us into the magic of evening falling, and brings along a soccer ball for his boy. Who chooses to love me when it would be easier to check out. Who forgives careless words and calloused heart alike. How can I complain?

A girl, so sick two weeks stacked, my worries mounting. And tonight she, happy and healthy, creating a card for her brother to keep at his side as the night hours pass, his body fighting a sickness of his own. Sweet boy, as sick as I've seen him, but he fights. And he is strong even as he wheezes and works so hard to breathe, a lion cub by destiny, a warrior by design. His days are ordained, and I can trust the Giver of this good gift of a son to see him through 'till the day our son is ushered into the presence of his Maker. How then, can I complain?

When nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, not trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or danger or nakedness or sword, how can I waste the life-breath within my lungs to complain? To despair? To fear? When in all these things we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us and gave his life up for us to know the Father's joy, even while facing the trouble he promised we would encounter. When our Victorious King - the one who conquered death by death, chose it in will-bowed obedience to his Father - sits at the right hand of that same Father and intercedes on my behalf (yes, little ole' me - and little ole you too). He chose it for the joy set before him. You and I were on the line. And He. chose. us. Our restored relationship with Elohim the joy set before him. And because he humbled himself, became obedient to death, God lifted him up from the shame and the scorn, to the highest place giving him a name above every other name.

You and I have the honor to call upon that name. Jesus. To share in his suffering, share in his glory. His punishment brought up peace.

And tonight I chose that peace.

ejk

Basking

2011-04-10T17:46:00.005-04:00

As long as I live I will never understand 'Spring in Michigan' (really, is there a such thing as spring or do we dive straight into summer?). Its quite the shocker to wake up to 45 degrees and fog and march out of church to a balmy 79 degrees and sunshine - a shocker I will gladly embrace.

It was just the kids and I this afternoon, and after a quick nap, we headed outdoors. As soon as I spread out the sheet for us to perch our little selves upon, Belle chirped, "Oh, this would be the PERFECT day for a picnic! I'll go get the food!"

She returned with cheese sticks, carrots, and water. And we had ourselves a lovely little picnic indeed.

Judah, ever my curious lion cub, was momentarily entertained by our quiet little picnic, until he discovered it was far more fun to splash in the water than drink it.

He wondered off to his own adventure - the dirt beckoned and there was much to explore.

Belle and I sat face to face, squinty eyed and wind blown, sunshine spilling over in our smiles.

And she said to me (I do believe this sums up the heart of a woman right here),

"We should talk about something."

"Okay, hun," I answered, "what do you want to talk about?"

"Lets talk about our feelings," she said as sincere as she could be.

Trying not to let my amusement show I asked, "Well...what should we say about our feelings?"

Matter of factly she replied, "You know. What we feel about things and what we don't feel about things."

"Okay," I said. "Well, I feel really happy that it is such a warm day out and we are having a picnic."

Without hesitating, she jumped in, "When the wind blows through my hair, and I feel it on my face, and the sun shines on my skin...I feel SOOOO happy!" She closed her eyes and looked toward the sky as if to take it all in, then broke the silence,

"Let's talk about the world! I love that the world spins 'round and 'round. I feel so happy when I think about the world."

There is no denying this one is my child - a four year old that is a feeler to the core, and describes her world in experiences and emotion. If you know Aron and I at all, we interpret the world through feelings and internal impressions. She is definitely our child.

And this one - he is acting more and more like his daddy. He loves to create, loves to draw, loves to sing, loves to play ball, loves to play dolls, loves to touch skin, loves to laugh. He is one happy dude.

We've got a right handed artist,

And a left handed one.

And TWO bug lovers. See that black dot in front of Belle's paper? THAT is an ant that decided to join our picnic. Judah belly laughed as the insect crawled all around, and he repeated over and over, "Hi! Hello! Hi!" as he waved at the tiny creature. I caught him mid wave in the picture below. Belle lowered herself to get a closer look at the ant for the sketch she was making of it, "Let's see, how many legs do you have?" she said to their new friend. "Oh, you're fast! I can't count with you moving all around!"

Thank you, Jesus, for this breath of fresh air and washing of your love. Even the babies were basking in the warmth of your goodness today.

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air..." Ralph Waldo Emerson

ejk

when life gives you another fever

2011-04-04T21:40:00.006-04:00

Make COOKIES with your daddy! (who happens to know just what to do to make you smile).

Even Judah thinks daddy is a hoot.

The sweetest little helper I have ever seen!

With the most delicate little feet; I think they are a work of art. (my apologies to all you feet haters out there - i hope the thought of baking cookies and feet in the same post didn't lose you altogether!)

Judah's obviously not a foot hater. He loves to play with sissy's toes.

Daddy saved the night for our little munchkins.

With sweet, sweet love.

In the words of our very favorite JT (James Taylor):

"How sweet it is to be loved by you."

ejk

somebody pinch me

2011-03-31T13:55:00.005-04:00

Do I really get to spend my days like this?

*(Some days I ask the same question, but instead of a dreamy happy inflection, you can find me twitching with exasperation. Raising children can make you crazy like that.)

I'll take a double shot of this every morning.

And a night cap of this to close my day.

Shhhhh...please don't tell me to enjoy it now or mention just how fast they grow.

Trust me, I know. Wasn't she just his size a few days ago?

And wasn't I his size just yesterday, sitting on that very blanket?

Pushing around that same cart, learning to walk.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man’s life is but a breath. Psalm 39:5

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Now, LORD, I am just learning to walk in your ways. Just wading at the shoreline of the ocean of your unsearchable love. Teach me to live well; forsaking all but you. Teach me to delight in your ways, to number my days, and to live them with utter intention and purpose. To set my eyes on You, my portion and Very Great Reward. Because when I do, all that tears at my heart, screams for my preoccupation and worry, melt in your presence. Bless us, oh Giver of every good and perfect gift, with eyes to see your blessings in the seemingly mundane; satisfy us with an abundance of You. May we not miss you, drowned out by the dazzling lights and roaring noise of our world. For you delight in the seeking, you take notice of the heart that pursues you as Treasure to be unearthed and cherished. Beat our hearts with the pulse of your Kingdom coming. It is coming. All of creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. And for the one whose name is Faithful and True to ride in on horse so white, majesty filling the earth, and establish the Kingdom that will have no end. God with us once and for all. We long for that day. But until it dawns, may your Kingdom come in us today. May we live this day - eyes wide open - heart fully alive in You.

ejk

dancing is good for the soul

2011-03-28T20:25:00.003-04:00

there is nothing quite like it - as body and spirit align to the rhythm of love

the innocence of life as it should be awakened - if only for a fleeting moment

tiny hand, a more marvelous creation than all the wonders of the world,

grasps mine, and I know love.

perfect feet bounce to music rising, and I am in awe.

Who am I to receive such a good gift?

Joy erupts - it bubbles from toes and wells over in ocean eyes that tell of melodies only angels can sing.

the dance awaits you. life - begging you to breathe her in, filling your lungs with the life giving moments that beat your heart.

breathe deeply, and have this dance

ejk

3.26.11

2011-03-27T00:07:00.001-04:00

2011-03-24T23:57:00.003-04:00

Tonight I get to hear a new song.

One scribbled in inspired hurry Sunday night as the man of God spoke.

It is a beautiful ballad, and I am blessed.

"This one is begging for a soaring bridge hun," I call over my shoulder.

He agrees, and plays on.

What could have been so important in our week that I had to wait until Thursday to hear this?

Maybe one day you'll hear it too. I hope so.

And yes. Aron's birthday banner still hangs happily over our table.

I can't bring myself to take it down. It feels like sunshine and seems to me a giant smile greeting us every time we walk in the door.

It is now Friday. And I will be getting up for work in five hours. So without further ado, I will close this post most unpoetically and quite abruptly.

Goodnight.

ejk

A Very Happy First Day of Spring to You

2011-03-20T07:59:00.004-04:00

"Mommy is it spring yet?" has been the never ending question of late.

Sweet Rose has had her TinkerBell calender marked for weeks, March 20th circled and starred.

Early morning the eve of Spring's arrival she chirped, "Ohhhh tomorrow is the first day of spring. I CAN'T WAIT!" I wish you could have heard her high pitched, oh so articulate, melody of anticipation . I do hope the sun greets her with warmth and the birdies come out to sing a sweet song as together they welcome the season of growth. Of slumber awakened. Of life anew.

Father of Life,

Of sleeping seed, buried safe beneath the threat of frost or foe.

Call forth the dead in us,

Those parts stomped down into dust,

Tred upon, hidden away.

Only you can can turn death into life,

Fallen world into Kingdom Come.

At the hint of warmth, the season of rain

Life awakens, dormant cells divide.

Tiny seed cracks with life,

Green shoot stretches to the surface to breathe you in.

Father of Life,

Infuse us with the courage of tiny seed.

To grow toward you out of the places of death,

To persevere through darkness,

Pushing upward toward the promise of your Light.

Bring us forth, through trial and disappointment,

Growing all the stronger, all the closer to intended design.

Until in your presence we stand, our faith in full bloom,

Our flower telling the story of your faithfulness and love.

Awaken Spring in us.

ejk

*To make a birdie nest of your own like Belle's, simply wrap a small bowl in plastic wrap. Place face down on wax paper. Mix clear glue with water at a 1:1 ratio. Dip strips of torn grocery bag into glue/water mixture, and place on bowl. Let dry for 12-24 hours. Remove bowl & plastic wrap, and voila! Adorable spring candy bowl! (We fell in love with this idea in the April issue of Country Living)

On pies and other 'p' words

2011-03-17T21:19:00.008-04:00

Today should have been a disaster, as experience would predict.

Sweet baby boy spent the night whimpering and heaving, as his insides tried to make their way to the outside. And while sleep evaded us, bodily fluids certainly did not. Gross, I know. Poor Judah didn't know what was happening, but I did. And I knew my 9 am test at work was going to be a bear on only a few hours of sleep.

I had planned to nap when I got home, but the viruses mocked me from the commode. They sang tunes of victory from the water faucets, and the thought of crawling into bed with them tonight was enough motivation to grab the bleach and go to war. Honestly, I am quite sure its too late, and the little devils are raising their flag of conquest somewhere in my GI tract. My boy, bless his heart, offered gentle kisses all day. And on the cheek wouldn't do. He wanted pucker action. How could I refuse?

The sunshine showed up on our doorstep like an old friend beckoning one to the front porch for lemonade and a hearty laugh. We, germ saturated and sleep deprived, answered her call, and she, in turn, honored our company by infusing energy as we soaked in her healing rays.

Though hours earlier on my commute to and from work, my heart cried out to the Lord - oh, how the city suffocates the life right out of me. Concrete blocks and parking lots for miles on end leak their gray right into my heart; "Lord, I need GREEN!" I begged. A conversation, a prayer, and an appropriate read, and something inside inhaled deeply of crisp, sweet life. I felt the blood returning and my heart dared to come alive in small ways. But ways that awaken in me a worship only I can offer.

You would not believe what an apron, an open window, and a rolling pin will do for this girl. Add in a few fresh cut wildflowers (though it is much too early for this), and you have just served me up a slice of heaven - complete with whipped cream (the real kind).

Its been too long since a pie - from pile of flour transformed to bubbling wonder - has beckoned from the oven, releasing aromas of home, delight, belonging.

So long, in fact, I've lost my favorite crust recipe. But I remembered the secret ingredient and located a substitute recipe that included it.

Raspberries and strawberries are plentiful in my fridge, so Razzlberry Crumble Pie it was.

I popped freshly rinsed berries in my mouth as I cooked. One for the pie, one for me. And as I bit into plump juicy flesh, I saw it:

I let out a scream any city girl would be proud of. Though I hale from the land of rolling hills whose acres of pasture saturate the air with the distinct aroma of fresh manure whenever it rains, I still don't like creepy crawly things. Never have. Never will. Not wanting to harm an innocent (albeit incriminatingly creepy) creature made my God, I attempted to transport the worm outside atop a butter knife. Belle informed me this was no worm at all, but a caterpillar. Whatever it was, it attempted to leap to its death right off the end of my knife and hit the floor next to my bare feet. Try as I may, I could not get that worm back on my knife to finish the deed. So I did what any responsible mother would do: I asked my four year old daughter to pick it up and take it outside. She's a good girl.

I have to admit at this point in the process I felt a little guilty to be placing such perfectly ripe, oozing-with-antioxidant super-berries into an oven - doused with sugar and heading to their death. But it was too late to turn back.

And out from the oven emerged a very validating afternoon's work. And a peace offering of sorts to my husband, who arrived home the night before to a very disappointing supper (apparently baked beets with Gorgonzola cheese activate his gag reflex...who knew!).

Now this post has been graphic, but this is life. So I might as well just say what I'm thinking. I sure hope this pie tastes as good coming up as it did going down, because I have a feeling Aron and I have a date with the commode come 2 am. I cautioned Aron at supper that perhaps we shouldn't eat too much this evening - knowing what is likely to come. I burst out laughing with his reply, "Oh man, I'd better chew really well. A nice pureed consistency. The chunks hurt coming up."

I can't believe I shared that with you. I may be deleting that later when I'm not so tired, and I reread it and wonder what in the world I was thinking. But for now, I still find it amusing enough to share.

As real as it gets,

ejk

*Post publication note:

My date with destiny did indeed come - at 1:27 am, and in the interest of full disclosure, I no longer find my little pie humor all that funny. Let's hope I get the kid friendly version of this bug, cause I hear the adult one is way worse. Blech.

the birthday boy

2011-03-05T14:12:00.002-05:00

Through It All

2011-03-04T12:00:00.003-05:00

Today is my birthday. The big 2 - 7. Seems like so much older than 26 for some reason. 26 was, "i'm still a young 20-something." 27 is "I'm pushing 30 with 2 kids and a receding hairline and I don't like how the teenagers are wearing 80's meets Tron styles and skinny jeans are not very flattering."

It makes a guy think about where i'm heading. How we're all dust just a breath away from joining the earth again.

Jesus promised this life would be full of trouble, and i've had my share. But through it all Jesus has been my constant hope, peace, and strength.

Through It All (by Aron Paul Kirk) February 2011

The years pass away.
I know that I can't stay.

I hope for the day

I'll see your face.

The wars never cease.

My heart still finds peace.

For you are with me through the grief

Of it all

And through it all-

Through the fire and the flood,

Through the tears and through the blood,

We have hope because of you

Through the darkness and the fears,

Through the trials of the years,

You're with us here

Through it all.

In the stillness of the night

You quietly hold me tight.

Your promise is the night

Of the dawn.

Now the morning starts to rise.

Your light finds my eyes.

I realize that I'm alive

After all.

And through it all-

Through the fire and the flood,

Through the tears and through the blood,

We have hope because of you

Through the darkness and the fears,

Through the trials of the years,

You're with us here

Through it all.

You hear me when I call.

You catch me when I fall.

You are there through it all.

2.28.11

2011-02-28T17:22:00.006-05:00

Monday mornings lose their bite waking up to these two. I count it a privilege and a dream come true to be able to spend my days caring for our children. Not so many years ago, Aron and I leaned in over steamy cups of McConn perfection spilling our hearts and painting our dreams. And to think the Giver of every good and perfect gift saw fit to pull up a chair, lean in close, and take notice of our beautifully naive hearts. And boy has he given - in abundance. Gifts so breathtakingly complex, so perfectly suited to us. Gratitude overflows.

Judah has fallen in love with Toy Story. Check him out watching Toy Story 2 this afternoon after a nice long nap.

We're closing out February with a quiet day at home, but it has been full of LIFE and blessing.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything the world could offer.

ejk

Eavesdropping

2011-02-20T22:52:00.003-05:00

I overheard a tender moment today. I'm scooping it up, tucking it down, and etching it in time for safe keeping.

Aron loves to watch movies. If watching movies side by side in complete and utter concentration were a love language, I would say that were his. But its not. Aron was watching Russell Crowe's Master and Commander this afternoon; I really gave it my best effort to endure through it, but alas I could bear it no more (BOR-ING). Just after my leaving the room, Judah wandered over and joined his daddy - silent, but very attentive. And he stayed that way. I'm convinced its a guy thing.

Out of the silence I hear Aron talking to Judah, "Will you always watch movies with me? Hmm? When you get older, we can watch Last of the Mohicans and The Patriot and Lord of the Rings. We'll watch all kinds of good movies together. Will you be my best friend in a few years? You know, when you get over this whole "Mom-Thing"?

I have a feeling Judah would answer a resounding "Yes!" if he had any idea what his daddy were talking about. But for now, by his daddy's side is right where he wants to be. And I'm pretty sure Aron has found a life long friend (and movie partner) in Judah Paul. And from the looks of his attention span during the Steve Vai dvd they just finished, he may have a band mate too. Heaven help me if I have two shredders in this house!

ejk

This is my arrival

2011-02-17T23:22:00.007-05:00

Way past the hour of 11, when responsible people are dreaming fast into their prepared for tomorrow, Aron and I sat watching sermons online. I would love to quote Steven Furtick, the words which rang true deep in my spirit, but I didn't write them down. So a paraphrase will do:

The destination is a mirage. So you'd might as well enjoy the journey, because - NEWSFLASH - you're never going to arrive.

I'm the 'arriving' type. Lists, with tasks neatly crossed off, send me into peaceful validation. I like to know my destination, and march decidedly in that direction until I...

Arrive.

Nothing about our journey as a family has catered to this desire in me.

And all the intuition within me knows that is of divine design.

A weaning, a pruning, a chopping down to nubbin' -

To strip me of my planning and plotting - building a kingdom of my own desires fulfilled.

Marching decidedly toward that which makes my heart come alive.

His purposes - who can understand them? But I try, and I believe Him when He says He gives wisdom to those who ask for it.

His divine discipline for me:

To grow roots in me deep as the underground rivers flowing so alive beneath winter's frozen ground.

To awaken my heart to the joy of seeking first his Kingdom, and letting all else take its proper place.

Beneath.

Enjoyed, but not worshipped.

And so I pause in the midst of desires buried deep -

Deep as the laundry piled high in unarrived trampled mess -

Among unfulfilled dreams and hopes that dare to inhale again,

To enjoy journey today.

Knowing this day will be crossed off my to do list forever.

Never to be enjoyed again.

And these moments,

They evaporate before me like a morning mist.

Vanishing.

Until that beautiful day when He calls me by my true name.

When, crown in hand, casting at His beautiful feet

I can finally say,

"This is my arrival."

ejk

Kirk Haven

our story a note in his symphony

silly gooses tango, unedited.

a valentine's day diy

on academia

In Full

preparing

a little judah-man sunshine for your monday

When God Says "No."

on repeat

winter's wait

charmed

crash landing

Its Christmas: 2011

12.21.11

snapshots 12.10.11

no good reason

decking the halls

sleep in heavenly peace

days like these

11.17.11

story

mornings with judah

You're Invited!

A week ago

Its a...

Trick or Treat 2011 - Come along with us?

Pumpkin Carving 2011

for remembering

catching up - a moment at a time

as the old saying goes

bedtime prayers

Judah's Big Day

This one's for the Grandparents

Rodeo: redone

on milking cows and county fairs

It is well

dreams of Russia

write to breathe

Tawas Triathalon 2011

Bedtime Stories

Engraved With Scars

He's TWO: day 1

Happy Birthday, Lion Cub!

when daddy trains for a tri

Come To Me video demo

Blazing August

(mis)parenting 101

peter pan's lost boy

apple of my eye

Come To Me

on praying faces and morning graces

On Michi Living

Because today is a gift

We are alive over here

Can I share something really cool with you?

6.8.11

when little brother meets destiny

a tropical escape

Wild About You

6.5.11

"this is the best day of my life!"

How does your garden grow?

A sweet way to spend a Saturday morning

3:46 am

5.19.11

speaking of art

Sweet Peas

embrace the mess

when it rains

Bicycle, Bicycle, Bicycle (ding, ding)

On horseplay, Tiger play, and puppy dogs

when words just can't paint the beauty the heart longs to tell

Death in his grave

I love you by and by

Tonight

Basking

when life gives you *another* fever

somebody pinch me

dancing is good for the soul

when life gives you another fever